I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
