Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
