Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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