I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
