i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
