Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
