YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
