One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
