i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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