Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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