I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
