my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
