I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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