An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
