Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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