My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
