I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
