Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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