It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you had me at cake vodka
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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