Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
