does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
