Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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