what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
