true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
