My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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