New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
