I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
