her facebook's as public as her vagina
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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