drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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