remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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