dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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