Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Your dad touched me again.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
