maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
