Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
