worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
