Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
