Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
