You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
