This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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