well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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