just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So apparently I’m into choking now
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