i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
