When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
