I would go down on you faster than GM stock
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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