the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I deserve to be covered in dicks
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
