Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
