I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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