From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
