he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
