I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
